Find The X
In my school days with mathematics, I have been plagued with the question and problem of finding where the “X” is. But I never really understood why we always have to look for the X. “Find the X”, that’s what my teacher said.
Why can’t we go look for another letter in the alphabet? Is the X the only letter that is missing? Is X really that dumb that she always gets lost somewhere in the middle of a class period? Or is it possible that X is just a bit of a problem child that she frequently feels the need to be found and get everybody’s attention?
Growing up, it seems to me that every school in the world is faced with the same puzzling idea that they should look for X. What is it about X really?
I don’t hate X. Heck; I don’t even know who X is. I never really found her even when my teacher would tell me exactly the step by step guide to finding her. We even managed to create a formula of some sort to map out where X is hiding and what other letter is involved with her.
I never believed my teacher. If all other schools are still trying to find X, who am I to believe that my very own teacher had already found her. For me, it’s just very unlikely.
One day amidst my reverie with the same mystery I fell in love and got into a relationship. It was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. And for some time, I forgot about looking for X. I never really wanted to look for her anyways. She never really mattered to me.
My beloved got all my attention and had me dreaming of rainbows and chocolates and sweet nothings for a long while. She got me believing in something called fate and destiny. She even got me believing to living a life with her for good. It was all that made my world go round and round.
And then we parted ways.
Years passed and many more relationships I have been into. But none of them have made me felt the way my first love did. And yes, now I thought of missing her.
I have wandered and wondered how she is doing right at this moment. Does she think of me too? Maybe misses me too? Have I even crossed her mind all these years?
And so, with the help of online platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram I went on a quest to maybe find her. Even Google and Yahoo tried to help out. I even took it upon myself to ask some trolls, yellowtards and a whole lot of online netizens.
I am now ironically with some twisted turn of events, trying to find the X.
And alas, after a whole day of trying to make out of all the pictures and accounts on those platforms I found three that resembles a similarity with her face and her name—of course, I included her nicknames and some possible names which I thought could be her idea of pseudo or something.
First one looks so similar with her face—only a bit thick on some parts. Heart in hand and courage up my fingers I managed to type three words,” Hey, remember me?”
After a long ten seconds, I received a message, “Hi. Do we know each other?”
What should I tell her? Maybe she’s not her. Not my X.
Still, I tried. I describe some past events that might trigger her memory. And to my dismay, she’s not the X.
I tried the other candidates asking away stuff like the first one but to no luck. Or maybe, I already found her. She just does not want to be found. Maybe finding X is not really meant to be. I am pretty sure the first one was the one but since she denied then perhaps that’s the equation I am going to have to solve.
And then I realized something.
Perhaps the reason of X’s elusiveness is exactly the point. X is part of the past. Something that was already gone. And the acceptance is just a bit too hard to swallow. Having to let go of the one thing that mattered to me for a long time. It’s like what Katy Perry used to sing: The One That Got Away.
And so, if I am to answer the question to where the X is; I’d say she got away.
X and I are now in parallel lines. I don’t suppose we will ever meet again.
But letting go of her in my memories is just as redundant as my teacher in my math trying to find the X that have always gone missing.
No, I have not found X and I don’t think I will still try. Finding X is only for those who have not moved on or is just too thick on giving up the thought of X. Those who still search for X: may you find her or him soon. And I hope that when you do and you find that she or he is also looking for X, I hope you both find your point of intersection.
And now, I am wondering the relevance of X from my love life. Was there any?
My apologies. I just have to say something.